Overcoming dating shyness
Experts say that every time a shy person avoids a social event, her anxiety may grow, and it won’t be any easier to feel confident the next time around.
“People think that social confidence is just something people have,” says Lynne Henderson, Ph.
D., a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Florida, in Gainesville, who has done extensive research on social anxiety.
Shy people often appear to others as socially competent, but for whatever reason (unrealistic personal standards, a lack of confidence), they can’t see it themselves.
Shy people also tend to believe that when they inevitably fail to come across well, they’ll suffer unpleasant consequences, including shame, because of it.
Recent data analysis by Quantified Impressions, a communication-analytics company based in Austin, Texas, suggests that in order to forge an emotional and meaningful connection before or during a conversation, you need to engage in eye contact for 60 to 70 percent of the interaction.My initial instinct is to tell him to go on ahead; I’m self-conscious about how slowly I run.But that would essentially be saying no, which is counter to the rules, so I keep running with him.There are worse things in life, of course, but I would love never having to feel awkward in social situations again.Plus, it has always been a little too easy for me to talk myself into staying home instead of going out.
It closes off possibilities instead of opening up new ones.